The World Around Me

Existence

2011-05-26T18:32:00.003+05:30

Sitting near a window letting the cool wind hit my face with my favourite music filling the room transports me to a night around a week back. The night where absolutely nothing mattered but myself. Me absorbing everything around me and not letting it out.

Today is very similar to that night - no particular event has brought about this day. Just being one with everything around me is a milestone in itself - a realization that I had lost somewhere along the way.

Last time I shared it with a friend and I remember it being more enjoyable. But this day is not less enjoyable by any means. As I look up at the dark sky waiting to reach a point where the clouds have to let go, I wonder what my predecessors felt at this moment. Were they relieved, happy? Or perhaps scared? As they wove stories around for their children to understand the reason behind this sudden change of weather, did they feel they were deprived of some knowledge that we know of today?

Today, I sit here without a thought in my mind, without fussing over intelligence. And yet, somehow I have a clarity that I had missed out on all these years. Somehow, I know the purpose of my existence on this earth.

Tears

2010-07-01T21:18:00.002+05:30

Tears.

Tears of joy, tears of grief, tears of frustration and tears of excruciating pain.

Droplets of water make their way down from the eyes of my soul, leaving dry trails as they reach my chin.

Tears roll down the pages of my life, smearing the words. The words are unclear now, but the feelings remain fresh.

I read the words and I relive those moments. And I come out stronger on the other side.

Something finally exciting!

2009-11-25T20:43:00.002+05:30

All these days I've been doing nothing. Literally. I've been sleeping, going to college, eating, and chatting with friends. After a while all the freedom gets so tiring that you wish to do something meaningful.

Well, there's something that's finally going to keep me occupied. Internships. 2 of them. They're going to make me write a lot. So much that I might just get sick and tired of writing (as if!). Also, it'll involve thinking and planning. That will certainly be a welcome change.

You know, in a way I've always thought that a person needed to make my life complete. But I didn't realise that I had to be 'whole' myself first to find that sort of a person. And that the person will not 'complete' my life, but share it with me. Frankly, I'm tired of thinking about 'the person' - whoever he may be. Right now it's a waste of time. I'm just really excited about things that are coming my way. I'm glad about the place I'm at. I wouldn't change it for the world. I finally get to work!

Good luck to me!

Trying a hand at Photography...!

2009-10-29T22:03:00.007+05:30

These are a few pictures, I submitted for a photography assignment at college. I hope you enjoyed looking at them as much as I enjoyed clicking them!

A New Beginning

2009-09-20T20:59:00.001+05:30

Arjun had just started counting, while I tried to find a place to hide. I would have to search for a place I had never hid in. I ran up the stairs and into my room. I dropped the idea of hiding there as soon as I had entered. This would be the first place he would look in. He had reached five now.

I took a quick look around. The basement was a place Arjun never ventured in. He was still scared of dark places, even though he was ten now! I giggled at the thought, but became silent instantly as I remembered I wasn’t comfortable about damp and dingy places either.

I had already hid in his room eleven times now. He didn’t like it when I was easy to find. He liked challenges like no one else. Well, I guess elder brothers are that way – strange. I heard a distant ‘ten’ and I was out of my reverie.

“Arjun, you’re counting too fast! It’s just not fair,” I said in mock anger. My brother always counted slowly so that I could get enough time to hide. He was very considerate that way, but I would never confess such a thing to him.

“Eleven, Aarya!”

I rolled my eyes and continued searching for the perfect place. My parents’ bedroom was closed, which meant that they were out for the day. Arjun and I were never allowed to enter their room without their permission. I hesitated in front of their bedroom, but realised that I was in no mood to be rebellious today.

I suddenly thought of a hiding place. I ran down the steps with immense speed. I opened the main door and ran outside.

“Sixteen!”

I looked at my hiding place with happiness. He would never find me here.

“Twenty! Ready or not, here I come!”

I hoped that my stupid sister had found a different place this time. It was becoming tiring to find her in places she’d used twenty times already. I had tried to say no to her when she asked me play Hide and Seek with her. She was being persistent and her seven year old face was becoming red with hurt at my disagreement. I decided one more game wouldn’t hurt.

I checked her room. She wasn’t under her tiny bed. I thanked God for that. Next, I went to my bedroom. I didn’t find her under my bed either. I went to the adjoining bathroom, and thanked God once again. She had finally understood that standing behind the shower curtain wasn’t the best place to hide herself.

There weren’t many places left now. As I went around the house, I realised that each of her favourite hiding places were empty and a sense of excitement started to rise in me. This was turning out to be tough. I smiled to myself. That left the outside part of the house – she hadn’t used this place to hide ever. The excitement in me was full-blown now.

I walked outside and saw the swimming pool which my parents’ had just renovated. The soft lapping water was usually soothing, but I didn’t notice it today.

I reached the edge of the water and sat down. I began to ponder over where my sister could possibly be hiding when I something black in the far end of the pool. The object was as black as wet, shimmering coal. Out of curiosity, I walked over to the end of the pool. I looked down and realised what it was instantly.

I was drowning. I tried to come up for air, but I couldn’t. I tried taking Arjun’s name, but only tiny bubbles came out of my mouth. I thrashed my hands and legs around and tried calling his name out again. I was feeling more and more exhausted as I tried to live. I knew there wasn’t much I could do now, and I simply wanted to give up.

I heard a splash and it seemed as if it had come from a far-off place. I didn’t have the energy left to look around. I was getting scared as each moment passed. Trying to survive was tougher than anything I had ever imagined. Everything around me was getting darker. My weak tries to get back to the top were of no help. Just when I thought I was going to see only black, I felt something soft around my waist. It was giving me a hard pull. I felt like I was being dragged, and I was grateful for it.

Everything was as dark as a starry night now. I could see tiny lights around me and I hoped this was what people called heaven. As I prayed silently, everything around me started getting their colour back. I was thoroughly confused.

It took me quite some time to understand that I was on something hard. I started coughing and I could taste slightly salty water in my mouth. It seemed like hours when I finally got myself back to normal. I took deep breaths to make sure I was still alive.

I had to thank Arjun. Oh, my brother had actually saved me! I glanced around and I couldn’t see him anywhere. I ran around the house, calling out his name. No answer. I was getting scared now – my brother never left me alone in the house. The sense of urgency grew in me when I made my way back to the swimming pool. He had to be here somewhere! Where was Arjun? I started to cry at the thought of being without him. Had my brother abandoned me?

With my tear-streaked eyes, I looked at my own reflection in the pool. I was a hideous sight, and I was about to look away when I screamed. My brother was dead – he’d left me forever.

I, Aarya Shekhar, now on my death bed, remember the one person who gave it all to me. Without our bond, I wouldn’t have had a life. My brother, Arjun, was remembered by me every single day. How could I not? I was breathing because of him. As I took my last breath, I said something I’ve always wanted to say – Ready or not, here I come, Arjun!

Celebrations

2009-08-13T22:51:00.003+05:30

On the 7th of August, 2009 our seniors gave us a Freshers' party. They went to great lengths to welcome us into our institution and I appreciate their efforts tremendously.

This is how it all went...

- My friends came together and met me at my place. Dresses were shown and looked at wide-eyed. Matching sandals with big heels were whipped out of bags and the entire outfit was admired some more.
I smiled, laughed, helped them admire their dresses and sat online.

- We started getting ready. Ironing of hair was done, hair was plucked at, eyeliner was applied and of course the dresses were carefully worn.
I realised if I didn't get started, I would run late. I was ready half an hour before they were.

- Finally, we were off. Windows of the car were rolled up, lest our hair get messed up. "Driver, we need to go faster," was said ten times.
I looked out the window, helped out the driver to find the place and tried to make him go slower.

- We reached the place and got out excitedly. Dresses were adjusted before we entered. The sight of bouncers made us nervous.
I smiled at my friends and went in without feeling anything.

- The pub was dark, the music was blaring and people were dancing like there would be no tomorrow. We said, "Wow! We should dance!"
I used my hands to make my ears more comfortable and didn't nod my head. It was dark anyway.

- We went further inside the club. This place had a lower decibel level and we found a lot of our classmates. We said, "Hey! You look fabulous!", "Oh my God! You look so different!", "Thanks, you too!"
I sat down on the huge sofa and made myself comfortable, occasionally smiling at people whom I recognised.

- Waiters came with the starters. We had one piece and we were full.
I ate more when the waiters came back.

- We went back to the dance floor and danced in a huge group.
I felt like I was being dragged to the dance floor and I hated the sight of a huge group dancing.

- We danced and danced and danced. People from the quieter place came to dance floor a bit drunk. Couples danced together, arm in arm. We said, "Oh my God! I had no idea they were going out together!"
I wandered away from the huge group and three friends of mine followed. We danced separately, and my favourite dance track came on. I danced and then the song ended. I went back to the couch not bothering to smile at everyone I met this time.

- We saw people getting drunk, saw people dancing. We watched people enjoying themselves and we felt comfortable.
I couldn't have been more out of place. I didn't have my dinner. I left at 10.30 pm. The party ended at 12.00 am.

I realised three things that day.
Everything that happened was genuine for others, but fake for me.
I lied to everyone around.
I hate parties and celebrations.

A Love Story

2009-07-02T09:20:00.024+05:30

He was married to a woman - perhaps not the one from his dreams, but close enough. The first few years were great, but then the very foundation started dwindling. And then she came along.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Arun stood in his living room and sighed angrily. Punam sat on the sofa avoiding Arun's gaze. It was 8 in the morning, and the day was already like hell on earth. Arun was getting late for work and he decided to ignore the matter at hand.

"Oh, so now you're going to just leave, huh? How convenient! Work is important to you than anything else, right? Why don't you just live at the bloody office!" Punam fumed as Arun crossed the room and went to get ready.

Unable to control himself, Arun said, "You know what? Maybe I bloody will!"

Both their minds were filled with fury, so there were no goodbyes. This scene had replayed itself many times for the past one year. It was almost as if the day was incomplete if Arun and Punam did not get themselves into a fight.

Both of them had changed after marriage. They were perfectly matched before the wedding. Now they constantly clashed each other. It was their way of life now and things were crumbling fast.

Arun and Punam went about their routine with happy faces. Neither of them wanted to face each other, but it was inevitable. Dinner was eaten in sombre silence just like many other days.

Midway through the meal, the phone rang. Punam got up and picked up the receiver. Arun could hear a calm and firm voice on the other end, but could not hear the words.

After about ten seconds into the call, Punam's face changed into the most dazzling smile.

One year later...

Arun and Punam were extremely busy on a weekend. Arun went around the kitchen in his shorts and a T-shirt trying to do everything Punam was telling him from the inner room.

"Wait...could you repeat that again? What do I need to put in the pan after the chilli powder?" Arun said aloud so that Punam wouldn't have a problem hearing properly.

"Put some salt, Arun. Just a little, not too much, OK?" Punam replied. Arun grinned.

Suddenly, a shrill wailing sound made the entire house reverberate. Arun left the pan, and quickly left for the bedroom.

"Is she OK, Punam? Want me to do something?" Arun asked worriedly.

"Shhh," Punam said soothingly both to her husband and their baby.

"She just wanted that toy. I swear, she's going to turn out as stubborn as you," Punam said smiling. Arun sighed with relief.

He looked at Punam singing a lullaby to their daughter who was busy nibbling on the toy. She peeked from under her mother's arms and looked up at him. Slowly the baby's eyes started closing and her breath evened out. Punam continued singing and the house became peaceful.

Love surged throughout his body till it hurt him, and yet he couldn't help loving the two of them even more.

(This story was inspired by a conversation I'd had with a dear friend, Zlaek, one year back. Most of the time, a baby is just what a failing marriage needs. The two people bound in matrimony need to have a common thing to love and to survive. It's unfortunate that they need to have that common link to survive, but in the end everything works out for the best.)

Bitter, yet sweet...

2009-06-14T12:33:00.008+05:30

They say truth hurts. This one will too. I'm not going to hide it in a chocolate wrapper.

i'm sorry i am not every other girl
sorry that i don't wish to be like one.

i'm sorry i don't have the desire to succeed in the eyes of others
sorry that i love to do things that others do not understand

i'm sorry i don't care about what others have to say
sorry that i hurt you everyday, however unknowingly

it's funny, because i'm not sorry for who i am, and who i always will be.

The Attempt

2009-05-25T21:11:00.005+05:30

I was reminiscing my past (mainly because I had nothing better to do). I recollected something quite scary which I had completely forgotten for the past 10 years (I think).

When I was little, I used to live in a small town in West Bengal (now it's bigger, of course. It's got D-Mart and everything). My mother and I were getting back from a get-together (that's what we called a party) on the scooter at around 11 o'clock in the night. We used to live in a building which looked like it was going to fall down in the next 5 years (no complains, but it did fall down well after we shifted).

We had this metal grill door at the entrance of the building which we had to lock every night (all the residents had a key). So there we were locking down for that day when out of nowhere (or so it seemed) a man came. He had a friend waiting on a red Honda bike. My mom had just locked the door when he asked in Bengali (or was it Hindi?) whether she knew how to get to so-and-so place. Mom started telling him directions and I watched them groggily ready to throw a fit.

Suddenly, the man at the gate grabbed hold of my mom's hand through the grill and started pulling her. My mom immediately held on to her purse tightly, but the man just kept pulling. I realised what was happening and I started screaming my lungs out. Mom started screaming "Help! Help!". All the other residents had gone out on that very day, but luckily the thugs didn't know that. He tried to swipe at my mother's purse a couple more times, but she had a pretty good grip on it. My wailing mingled with my mother's screams and the decibel level rocketed upwards. This completely scared the thief and he ran away from us in top speed.

My mother and I held on to each other, both of us sobbing with shock. We finally managed to get inside our home and my mom called my father right away (He was still at the 'get-together'). She couldn't stop crying and I cried harder when I saw her so distressed. Between the sobs my father finally wheedled out the entire episode. Over the phone he sounded really calm (now I know he was trying to hide his worry and was trying to sound strong). After a while my mother settled down. My father cracked a few jokes here and there and mom and I started to laugh. We couldn't stop laughing. Dad realized we were going to be okay so he said that he was going to leave the party right away, and could we please stay out of trouble till then. We just smiled and told him to leave.

Moral of the story?
None.
What can one do to prevent such attempts?

Just wondering...

2009-05-13T01:28:00.002+05:30

I'll be using two of the ugliest words in the following question, so get ready...

Is it possible for one to die of self-pity and guilt?

As I said...just wondering.

First Impressions

2009-05-04T21:28:00.000+05:30

She was jogging through the woods at a steady pace. The woods were getting denser at each step. She neither decreased her speed nor increased it. Turning on countless occasions, she ran on an endless path. She didn’t feel tired. She thought she ought to take a break and have some water. She looked up and tried to normalize her breathing. She was a bit astonished to see it was dark already. She wasn’t feeling afraid though. She could here the forest breathing and it produced a calming effect on her. Ten feet away a small stream was making its way down the gentle slope of the land.

She decided to quench her thirst from the stream. She walked over to it and bent down to touch the water. It was cool. She bent down on her knees to have a sip. A slight movement to her left caught her eye. She stared into the darkness for a little while. She thought it must have been a trick of the little light that was present. She returned to her task and gave her dry throat some relief. She leaned forward for another sip and stopped.

This time it wasn’t a trick of light. She looked to her left and saw a man jogging towards her general direction. Just another runner, she thought. She continued drinking the water from the stream and didn’t stop till she was done. Her stomach was full now. Maybe she ought to walk back home, she thought while turning around.

The jogger was closer than she had expected – he was twenty feet away. She glanced at him to see what he was doing and immediately looked away. He was looking directly at her. She couldn’t see the exact expression on his face in that fleeting glance. It was much too dark. She risked another look at him – this time for a longer while.

He was easily a foot taller than her. He had a muscular body. He was wearing a crisp white T-shirt and dark track pants. His hands were at his sides and his fingers were curled. He was sporting long hair. It reached till his broad shoulders. He must be working out everyday at the gym, she thought, maybe I'll get him to help me. She walked forward hoping to introduce herself to him. Four feet away from him she stopped. She could see him much better now. She was surprised to see him. She smiled.

He smiled lazily back at her. She forgot how to breathe momentarily. She took a step forward. She wanted to say something to him, but was at complete loss of words. He continued smiling at her, expecting her to make the first move. He was disappointed when she stopped moving towards him. For once, he needed her to be bold. That would undoubtedly make things exciting than they already were.

Enough of this, he thought, let’s get this over with once and for all. He smiled once more before making his move.

She noticed it before his transformation was complete.

He sneered. His eyes full of hatred. His face was pale and the thin scar which ran down from the corner of his left eye to his firmly set jaw was now whiter than his pale face. She looked down at his hands. One hand held was gripped tightly and the other was curled around a –

She whimpered. His sneer changed into quiet, cold laugh. She took a step back. This time his laughter contained a tinge of amusement. He decided that he had wasted enough time. His motion was swift, but so was hers. She got her hand between her chest and the knife in time.
He was furious with himself. He had made a huge mistake.

She backed away helplessly. There was no way to get rid of her attacker. Her hand was bleeding profusely, but it was a matter of life and death. With all the strength she possessed, she started running. He realized what she doing and laughed out of complete amusement. He followed her. She cut in and out of thickets trying to loose him. She’ll only lose more energy, he thought.

He didn’t want to make another mistake. Desperation fueled him to run faster than ever.
She chanced a glance behind her back. He was right behind her. She had to run faster and reach home. Her body was failing her, yet she continued to run. She could finally see the edge of the woods. Partial relief swept through her.

Her home was only five hundred meters away, now. Just this last sprint, she thought, and I’ll be fine. She looked back one last time to see her attacker’s progress. That was a mistake.

In her decision to look back, her speed had decreased. He took the opportunity and grabbed her roughly. She was about to scream. He silenced her with putting his hand on her mouth and nose. She wasn’t able to breathe. She struggled, but his hold remained firm. Her energy was sapping out of her.

Now, he thought.

Adrenaline rushed throughout his body. He couldn’t wait anymore. With a roar of triumph, he closed her eyes forever.

Milestone

2009-04-24T09:25:00.000+05:30

The past two years has forever changed me for the good. A new phase in my life has begun. A phase that can never fade...it can only be enhanced or intensified over the years.

I'm not unwilling to sit alone anymore. I know for a fact that there are people out there who are scared to face themselves. In the sense, that they prefer to be in a crowded room instead of sitting alone only with thoughts as their company. I used to be one of those people. I used to immediately search for some form of entertainment from the outside if I ever found myself devoid of mortals. Anything to avoid myself. I used to commit the biggest crime - I lied continuously to my own mind. I made myself believe that I could not question things that were told by the general population, and that that was a crime in itself.

This pretense starts building up - degrading each particle of your being. It continues till there's nothing left in you. You become a lifeless form, 'perfect' on the outside. And then you snap. You face yourself for the first time and your life make a 180 degree turn. There are many a tears in the beginning. You try and salvage whatever's left of you. Then you start rebuilding yourself on new foundations - a long and painful process. After what seems like an aeon, you finally realise what's best for you - and only you. You become truthful to yourself like never before - in your thinking and your actions. Everything becomes crystal clear and in that certainty comes an unparalleled thrill.

You transform into a human only you could be.

Hopefully, dreams do come true...

2009-03-31T16:32:00.001+05:30

It's said that dreams seen in the morning while sleeping eventually come true.

It's a perfectly clear day. The Sun's intense rays are cancelled by the soft, cool breeze playing with my hair. I'm not wearing any glasses. Everything is sharp and well defined - the trees, the buildings, the pebbles on the side of the road. I'm walking casually on the sidewalk in my favourite pair of jeans and top. I'm moving towards my unknown destination. My gait just can't get more care-free. As I continue down the path, I see faces that I recognise. They're all in motion but in a completely different dimension or plane. But they're there. The ones that I love dearly. My motion continues.

Suddenly, the sky turns an ugly black filled with menacing clouds. Out of nowhere unknown faces replace the ones I love. The only option I have is to run. Run to get out of their reach. Run to hide from them. Run to save myself. I keep running for what seems like eternity. I think to myself in the dream, dreams are strange - you can run as much as you want without stopping for a breath, but at the same time at every step you're completely out of breath. The strangers have no intention of stopping either. Enough time has been wasted. Something must be done.

Precisely at the end of that thought, I suddenly have a sword in my hand and my outfit's that of a samurai. Instead of continuing to run, I stop. My energy's returned. My enemies charge at me with renewed force. The greatest battle - an epic battle - ensues between me and the crazed strangers. I jump from one building to another, swear at them, show them my blinding speed - anything to live through this fight. Their side starts dwindling and cracking. I thrust my sword at them. They vanish.

Everything is not as it is before - just infinite times better. I'm surrounded by people and things I love again. I'm just a few steps away from my destination. I flow like a river towards the unknown place - and reach it. What I find there is pure satisfaction, something I haven't felt in a while.

I wake up and look out the window. It's a perfectly clear day.

159 kms

2009-03-27T22:57:00.000+05:30

This is an account of my journey from Pune to Thane a week back in a reserved general compartment.

Start of journey

I’ve seen 5 toy sellers and all of them are blind. Or I thought they were. One of them sneakily opened an eyelid and avoided collision with a pillar. So much for secrecy!

A lady came into my compartment selling pothis. She sang some bhajan too. I didn’t understand it, but she sang pretty well. I wonder how much she makes out of this profession.

Ugh…there’s a couple showing PDA. Pretty nauseating! But then it’s none of my business. On second thought…it is. After all, it is ‘public’.

The grandma beside me offered me a fruit. Of course I didn’t accept it. It was sweet of her to ask though.

The train’s speed is steady now. The howling of the wind is pretty damn loud. It can put anyone to sleep (The woman in front of me, anyway).

People without reservations are sitting with people with reservations. A commotion is brewing up. I’d rather look out the window.

Just saw an abandoned building. It must have been a traffic control office 20-30 years back. I wish it would either be demolished or renovated.

Can hear a poor man (sounds like a girl) singing something. It’s a song that demands pity. Wish it were a filmy song. At least that would’ve been entertaining.

The grandparents beside me are buying everything that’s coming their way. Just like my own grandparents. I bet, there's a common link between them.

The PDA continues and grows so much that I must puke immediately.

Saw two very, very, very cute monkeys eating red fruits. And they’re gone.

The grandma beside me is resting her head on the grandpa’s shoulder :-)

Men and women around me all looking very tired.

Finally reaching my destination.

The journey continues...

Straight From My Heart

2009-03-13T18:45:00.000+05:30

This post is right out of my diary. I wrote it on July 28, 2006 :-)

I wish I had a dog. I really, really do. As it is, I am a single child. I despise being a single child sometimes. Not that my parents don’t love me and everything. They really do. After all, I am their only child. But I wouldn’t mind having someone to be with all day long when my parents are out. It’s not like I have a secret boyfriend whom I could call up anytime I want (That’s what girls around me do anyway). I don’t even want anything like that at all right now, or ever for that matter. But I want some company. I have grandparents who live with us, but it’s not fun to talk to them. My grandmother can’t hear properly and my grandfather is more of a quiet person. Not that a dog would talk to me or anything. But it would be around me the whole time and give me the much needed company. I can’t tell this to my parents because they would just try and console me (which I really do not want…I want a dog!). By the minutest chance if I have a child (adopted of course!), and suppose I do not want another child, I would definitely buy him/her a pet. For sure, without a doubt. Gosh, I so badly want a dog. I wanted one my whole entire life. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want one. In fact, I wish of having a dog everyday. Sometimes, it is my last thought before sleeping.

The problem is, suppose I do get a dog, who would take care of it? The 3 of us are out every single day. My grandparents can’t take care of themselves (no offence meant), then how on earth would they take care of a dog? Who would walk the dog everyday? I could take it for a walk in the morning, but what about in the evening? There won’t be anyone to do that. I could certainly give it a bath once a day. I could clean its poop (I would love the dog…mom cleaned my dirt, didn’t she?). On top of that, in India, I wouldn’t need to pick up its poop and put it in the garbage can (There aren’t any on the roads…I wouldn’t get it home). As for its food…well, we could buy it when we buy food for ourselves. Breakfast could be served by me, lunch by our maid and dinner by me or mother (me most probably). I don’t see what my mother has to do in the whole day with the dog.

Instincts

2009-03-13T14:12:00.000+05:30

For the past 15 days, I've been traveling to my college for my exams. The easiest way to commute is by an auto rikshaw. I have to pass a railway crossing to reach my destination. It's usually full of activities. I look at things around me, but I don't really see them.

I couldn't escape a situation two days ago. The road was closed because of a train with 50 compartments was making it's way to Chennai. The loud wailing of the siren warning people not to go near the railway line was painful. My rikshaw stopped and the motor was cut off. I was ready for a long wait.

After a few minutes of daydreaming, something - or rather, someone - caught my attention.
I was looking at man wearing a greased, torn shirt and a dirty pair of trousers. His hair was unkempt. His eyes were darting from one place to another. One hand of his holding a cane, or was it a tree branch? The other was ready to beg.

I realized I had looked at him everyday for the past 2 years. This was the first time I was seeing him. I guess having beggars at every junction of roads had made me completely immune to them.

The first thought that crossed my mind was 'Why would anyone beg?'

I didn't quite have a definite answer. Sure, it's there way of 'earning' their living. But, begging? He could probably find a job as a sweeper somewhere. That would be better than begging, right? Sweeping does not have anything to do education, so the work's practically cut out for them. You work in return for money. Simple as that. But, beggars don't even think about that.

What makes them get up every single morning to beg? What makes them go to sleep knowing that tomorrow they are going to continue with their profession? Of course, if it's been their bread and butter since childhood, they wouldn't know another way to 'make' money. Are their lives really that hopeless? Are their lives so filled with negative things that they have no room for pride? What is it that makes them want to remain alive despite the fact they aren't contributing to anything around us?

Basic survival instincts.

If 'saam-daam-dand-bhed' does not work out, the only thing left is to beg. It's sort of like the last resort. If one was to become a pauper, his basic instincts would be trying to find the easiest way out instead of searching for a purpose to live. He would demand pity instead of trying to regain his pride and respect. He would crawl instead of walking tall. The person who gives in to his basic instincts is destined to be a beggar. The person defying these basic instincts is destined to find his place in the world. The sad thing is, there are too many who give in to their basic instincts.

A New Life

2008-11-25T12:24:00.000+05:30

I am officially an aunt now! Well, I became an aunt almost 2 months back, but my euphoria has not died yet. How could it when my niece is just the most beautiful thing in the world? Whenever, I look at her tiny smile, my heart does a little jiggle. Whenever her tiny little fingers get hold of mine, I can't help but smile wide! The thoughts that cross my mind are, 'Isn't she the cutest? Isn't she just the most beautiful'.

At first I was afraid of picking her up and putting her on my lap. What if I couldn't hold her properly? What if she starts crying? Finally, after a whole lot of persuasion, I picked her up. And let me tell you, it was downright scary! But after 2-3 minutes, I got the hang of it and she wasn't even crying! Without further persuasions, I started to walk around with her. Before I knew what I was doing, I started to sing. Her eyes looked around for the sound and when she finally found the source, all she could do was stare. My heart soared at that point.

Later on in the day, I got the chance to see her mother taking her on her lap. And the way my sister (the baby's mother) looked at her, nearly melt my heart. What I was seeing was pure love. It was definitely a profound moment for me. I won't ever forget it!

First Day, First Show

2008-11-25T11:31:00.000+05:30

Well, this is my first in blogging. I intend to write every day or at least alternate day (or at least once a week), whatever is possible. With my exams coming up, I really don't know. There's so much to do and so little time! And yet I sit around not doing things which I am supposed to do.
Now with this blog being finally created, I know I won't be lazing around a whole lot.

So bon voyage to me on this blogspot!